Monday, February 20, 2012

The old normal isn't comfortable anymore.

Tomorrow makes 10 months since the babies were born. I woke up today feeling very nostalgic. I don't know what kind of dreams I was having, but I woke up feeling like everything was still fresh. So, since this morning, I've been longing for some way to bring back the closeness to both my babies; a scent, a memory, something tangible. I feel like I'm losing that closeness and I don't like it.

Sounds so strange. It's like for the time during and right after the pregnancy, everything else stood still and Heaven was closer. I've been feeling "better" lately, like I'm functioning at a more normal pace and the dark, weighted fog has lifted. The problem is that everything didn't really stand still, it kept moving forward. So, now I'm struggling to catch up, but I really don't want to catch up in the old normal. I changed and I don't belong there anymore. I can't pretend I didn't change.

I'm thankful that God still has plans. We're working on our part of those plans and would appreciate your prayers. The old normal isn't comfortable anymore. I know God has something different planned, I look forward to seeing how it all pans out.


Jenn - aka honey or mom said...

I understand. It's been almost two years since we met and said good-bye to our Noah...somedays I just enjoy the day, and then other days I long to be in that hospital room holding him. The farther away I get from his birthday, the more it seems like a bad dream...except that I long to relive it, to mremeber it's realness. Keep holding onto Him as He's holding onto you.

Holly said...

I don't even know if I remember much of the old normal anymore now. You get 'accustomed' to the new normal you're living.