It's been 11 months since my babies were born. It seems so strange that it's already been so long. I wonder if thinking about everything that has happened will always bring such a rush of emotions, and I have a feeling it will. Although, the rush of emotions has already evolved over the past months. It's different and will always be changing (oh, how often I long for the stability of Heaven), but we will never again be without the impact of our babies.
Paxton is growing fast and curious about EVERYTHING. He even took a step on his own last weekend. He loves to laugh and play with his rubber ducky. He's getting good at showing me where it is, or where other toys like his little stuffed penguin are. He loves to explore. I can't help but wonder what Carys would be enjoying if she were here. I even Googled recently to see what other girls named Carys enjoy. I may never know this side of Heaven, but I do very much enjoy things that remind me of her.
I didn't know when we were planning my maternity pictures (with Shannon Rice Photography) why I was so set on using the bright yellow umbrella, but it has become an icon for me. Now, I associate that bright, cheery yellow with my baby girl. In my mind, it will always be Carys Yellow. The forsythia bush blooming in my yard, the daffodils by the front steps, cheery yellow smilies... I love that they make me think of her.
We've also had a lot of rain lately, so naturally that makes me think of her. Rain, rainbows, and wind that blows her windchimes. I've only seen a rainbow one time in the past 11 months, but it was a double...how fitting. People send me pictures of rainbows when they see them. I love it. They remember her too.
A few nights ago, I kept waking up through the night to the sound of rain and thunder. In my half-asleep state, I marvelled at how storms allow an opportunity for us to experience God's power. It reminds me of a moment in Jamaica whan Aaron and I were on our honeymoon. We'd gone to a cooking class on the beach, and stayed to chat with another couple as the class ended and the rain began.
Soon after the rain started pounding on the tent above us, the thunder and lightning began. The lightning seemed to be just a few miles out from the beach. I felt very vulnerable there on the beach and the sheer power of the thunderstom was both scary and exhilarating. I felt God's presence.
The feeling of God's powerful presence is not something often experienced on a clear, calm, sunny day. Sometimes it takes the storms to reassure us that God really is bigger and more powerful. I think we need the reminders.
1 Corinthians 2:4-5
New International Version (NIV)
4 My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, 5 so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.