Two years ago, late at night between April 20th and April 21st, I was at the height of my grief. The pregnancy was coming to an end and I was a few hours away from my scheduled time in the O.R. for the C-section.
Two years ago tonight, I was broken, but anticipating morning. What I didn't know at the time was just how much peace God would give us. Enough to not only get us through the day, but also to give us a glimpse of Heaven.
Part of me is still broken and always will be on this earth, but that's okay. It's part of life as a Maranomi. I embrace it now... it keeps Heaven feeling nearby.
I have a feeling I will always have the urge to revisit the journey as their birthday approaches. I have been going back and reading from the caringbridge entries and going through my rough draft of their story. I never want to forget the details. God had so much planned when He created my babies... and I am still seeing how His plans fit together in so many amazing ways.
So... tonight, as I'm up later than I should be, I'd like to offer a word of encouragement. When your storm is at its darkest.... when you are most weary, broken, and beaten down... hold on just a little bit longer. God still loves you. Trust that He has a plan to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). Even when it hurts. You never know if He's just about to let you touch Heaven. Keep your eyes on Him or you may just miss what He wants to show you!