Every Easter, my thoughts turn back to my first post at After The Rainn and the roller coaster of emotions I was experiencing that Easter season 5 years ago.
Every Easter, I think of the bittersweet nature of what we are celebrating.
"My spirit is willing but my body is weak."
That thought repeats in my head, and I'm reminded how easily I become weak. I've said before that there is that part of me that will always be a bit weary here on earth, no matter how much rest I have. My tolerance for stress and painful life events is different than it once was. It doesn't take nearly as much, and that all-too-familiar feeling of weariness wraps around me again. Maybe it's a bit like an old bathrobe. I don't know about you, but I think it's hard to feel too energetic while wearing a bathrobe. There's just something about it that makes me want to curl up under the covers and not accomplish much of anything.
Granted, much has changed in the past five years, and I've done a lot of growing and healing during that time. Even so, when life throws a curve ball, I feel myself reaching for that robe. It's oddly comfortable because it's so familiar, even though it's not pleasant.
Maybe it's comfortable because I am reminded how near Heaven is, and I'm reminded of the intense peace I felt the day Carys went home there. I never feel like I can adequately put into words what an experience that was. Heaven felt so real, and so close. It hasn't gone anywhere, and sometimes we are reminded of that.
It's always bittersweet. Like Easter.
Everywhere we look, we see bright colors, candies, chocolate, toys, flowers, new clothes..... it all looks so fresh and new. Not all of the Easter story was fresh and new and happy. It was painful... physically and emotionally. We can't ignore that part, or we miss the value of empty tomb.
Christ died- for us. He died in our place. He died a very painful, agonizing death on a cross, and He didn't have to. If only I had words to express my gratitude....
The joys of this life wouldn't be as appreciated without the heartaches. The bitter balances out the sweet and helps us have gratitude.
This Easter, I once again ask for prayers of peace for my family. My grandfather is under the care of hospice. It's hard to know what to say, other than that I'm thankful for God's promises. I'm thankful for the promise of Heaven, where whatever happens on this earth will be drowned out by peace and love straight from the source, Himself.
What a day, that will be!