Friday, January 6, 2012

Every Last Tear

I'm missing my baby girl horribly tonight. My heart aches. After the past year, I'm surprised there are any tears left, but somehow there always are... even when I'm truly "ok." I've found that as time goes on, I'm coming around. I don't feel as buried in grief as I did before, even though the pain is still there. Some days it still feels so fresh, but I still have the peace in knowing we're okay. I have peace in knowing that Heaven is near, and it is very, very real.

I'm thinking often of our family members and other loved ones who are already in Heaven with Carys. I look forward to seeing them when God says it's time. It's so strange to me how much the past year has changed me. So many things have new meaning. Tonight, I keep thinking of Revelation 21:4.

Revelation 21:4
New International Version (NIV)
4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[a] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Anyone who has faced any kind of significant loss in this world can understand how that passage means so much more. Tears can be so exhausting. Some day, though... Some day, God, Himself will wipe every last tear from our eyes. We will never again face death or mourning, or crying or pain. Can you imagine?? This ache in my heart will go away. I so look forward to feeling the peace of Heaven again. I have a peace now, so even when I cry, I'm okay... but it's not like the peace the day Carys went to Heaven. THAT overwhelming peace was unearthly. I look forward to feeling that again.

In the meantime, I'm doing a balancing act. It's an odd balance to be living in this world when it's not the comfort zone it once was. I changed, but the world didn't. Everything else goes on like nothing changed... but I was changed; in so many ways. I'm so thankful God blessed us with Paxton and Carys, even if Carys couldn't stay long. I can't imagine my life without them.


I started to title this post, "I changed, but the world didn't" ... but now I've re-thought that. Life goes on as if nothing happened, I have to continue going through the motions, but I KNOW the world did change a little when Carys came into it and silently left. On that note, I want to ask you all how Carys impacted your lives. If you haven't already, please visit her memorial page (click here). I know she made a difference.


Andrea said...

I look forward to a chance to cry with abandon, before God wipes every tear.

Holly said...

I do look forward to that peace again. It is def a peace that passes understanding. I think that is the closest to Heaven I will ever be on this earth.