I've said many times that I used to feel like telling someone I would be praying for them sounded empty. It would seem like I wasn't really doing anything. I always believed there is power in prayer, but I didn't always feeling like my prayers were powerful, I guess.
After Carys' diagnosis, I craved knowing people were praying for us; even after God told me, "no" to my request that she be made whole. I didn't need people to pray she'd be made whole (God assured me that it wasn't His plan and I knew I had to accept that), but I needed people to pray for strength and comfort for us. I know God was taking care of us anyway, but it seemed that we'd always hear, "We've been praying for you!" at times we'd felt the peace and comfort the most.
I always believed in prayer, but hadn't found a resolve in my thoughts when it came to the idea that, "if you pray hard enough, you'll be healed," or if you weren't healed, "you must not have had enough faith." That never had seemed right to me, but in the midst of our storm, I came to a much more confident, secure place in my faith as it pertained to healing.
God had created her. He formed her, as no human could ever successfully have done without Him. He created her. There was no doubt in my mind that He could form her skull and develop her brain in an instant. I believed and believe that He was capable. Even after her diagnosis was confirmed, I wouldn't have been surprised if He'd chosen to do so. But, I also knew that earthly wholeness is not always in God's plan. I trusted Him to take care of us, even when it hurts.
I have a harder time praying for life now. I find myself praying more for eternal preparedness, comfort, and peace, with whatever the outcome may be. He knows better than I do. Who am I to make a request on someone else's behalf that may rob them of something beautiful God had intended to create through their pain? I pray they feel His love; that they are open to His peace. Receptive to His plans.
God knows what He's doing. I don't need to tell Him how to be God. I can make my gift requests for others, but I can much more easily pray, "Your will be done." I'm continually learning to trust Him to give us a glimpse of beautiful through the storms. He's got this.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Room for Improvement
I've never met a person who had no room for improvement.
Have you?
I've been pondering the reasons/excuses/barriers people have when it comes to seeking mental health services. I recently asked on the After The Rainn facebook page what others thought, and the following are some of the responses I received. I tried to categorize them as much as I could.
STIGMA/SOCIAL FEARS
Embarrassment.
Shame.
"What other people may think of them."
"The stigma that goes along with having a mental health problem"
"Misconception that seeing a mental health counselor = crazy."
"Fear of judgment from someone who knows nothing about what is going on in their lives."
"Fear of admitting that something is wrong and that it's something they can't handle on their own."
"Shame that they can't handle a problem on their own.
"Fear in admitting that you have a problem."
Pride.
Fear.
"I think that saying 'mental health' may be more offputting as it has an underlying tone of "maybe I am crazy" rather than "i just need some guidance""
"the culture in this area...it's not "socially acceptable" to talk about your problems and pay someone to listen...i think that this is more of a "put on your big girl panties" and deal with it kind of culture where kids are taught not to cry and talk about feelings."
Mistrust.
"Difficulty discussing feelings/problems."
"Fear of failure even with professional help."
"Fear of hearing the feedback for your feelings/problems."
(rural areas) "the reality that you know who the counselors/therapists are outside of the therapy setting."
"I would worry about confidentiality and from experience I can say it sucks running into people at the grocery store who know all about your dirty laundry..."
RESOURCES
Not knowing who to see
Cost
Time
Lack of available resources
MINIMIZING/DENIAL
"Denying that they need help."
"Some people believe there is nothing wrong with them and everyone else around them is at fault."
"Inability to recognize that there is a problem."
"Don't think their condition is worthy of a MHC."
Looking at the list of responses I received, it would seem that the majority are about social fears/a stigma attached to mental health services.
I'm going to suggest 5 reasons to consider seeing a mental health counselor.
1. Nobody has it ALL together. Everyone has areas of weakness and areas of strength, and talking to someone who is neutral ( and trained) can help give you great insight into your own weaknesses and strengths so you can make the best of both. This can be especially helpful in times of transition (education, career, relationships, moving to a new place, marriage, divorce, etc.).
2. Counselors are trained to help you process difficult life experiences, meaning that it's our job to help you find some peace with or meaning in the potentially traumatic experiences in your life. In reality, we all have difficult, painful experiences (some more than others). If we're not finding some kind of peace with them, they don't go away, they are just swept under the rug with everything else; and after a while, it's easy to trip over the rug.
3. We all form bad habits in how we relate to others and ourselves. This could come in many forms, such as negative, unrealistic messages (like telling yourself that you are always a failure or you just can't do anything right...), or just focusing on your own wants to see your loved ones' needs.
4. Often, mental health symptoms may be rooted in physical health problems, but if you are not discussing them with mental health/health professionals, you may be missing something!
5. It's okay to ask for help. If you are not feeling well physically, it's okay to ask a doctor for help. If you are not feeling well spiritually, it's okay to ask a pastor/spiritual leader for help. If you are not feeling well over-all, it's okay to ask a counselor for help!
If you're not ignoring your physical needs, don't ignore your spiritual or mental/emotional needs either!!
If you are having difficulty finding resources, check your local yellow pages or go to www.medovin.com to find a counselor licensed in your state for distance/online counseling (this form of counseling is not for emergencies or those under 18 years of age, who would need to find a local mental health provider instead).
If you are seeking mental health services in Kentucky via online video-based chat (and you are not among my family and friends because that would be a conflict of interest), visit my counseling page at http://counseling.aftertherainn.com.
As a mental health counselor, I believe that everyone can benefit from mental health services. Consider it finding a life-consultant!
Wishing you peace, health, and healing!
Keri
Have you?
I've been pondering the reasons/excuses/barriers people have when it comes to seeking mental health services. I recently asked on the After The Rainn facebook page what others thought, and the following are some of the responses I received. I tried to categorize them as much as I could.
STIGMA/SOCIAL FEARS
Embarrassment.
Shame.
"What other people may think of them."
"The stigma that goes along with having a mental health problem"
"Misconception that seeing a mental health counselor = crazy."
"Fear of judgment from someone who knows nothing about what is going on in their lives."
"Fear of admitting that something is wrong and that it's something they can't handle on their own."
"Shame that they can't handle a problem on their own.
"Fear in admitting that you have a problem."
Pride.
Fear.
"I think that saying 'mental health' may be more offputting as it has an underlying tone of "maybe I am crazy" rather than "i just need some guidance""
"the culture in this area...it's not "socially acceptable" to talk about your problems and pay someone to listen...i think that this is more of a "put on your big girl panties" and deal with it kind of culture where kids are taught not to cry and talk about feelings."
Mistrust.
"Difficulty discussing feelings/problems."
"Fear of failure even with professional help."
"Fear of hearing the feedback for your feelings/problems."
(rural areas) "the reality that you know who the counselors/therapists are outside of the therapy setting."
"I would worry about confidentiality and from experience I can say it sucks running into people at the grocery store who know all about your dirty laundry..."
RESOURCES
Not knowing who to see
Cost
Time
Lack of available resources
MINIMIZING/DENIAL
"Denying that they need help."
"Some people believe there is nothing wrong with them and everyone else around them is at fault."
"Inability to recognize that there is a problem."
"Don't think their condition is worthy of a MHC."
Looking at the list of responses I received, it would seem that the majority are about social fears/a stigma attached to mental health services.
I'm going to suggest 5 reasons to consider seeing a mental health counselor.
1. Nobody has it ALL together. Everyone has areas of weakness and areas of strength, and talking to someone who is neutral ( and trained) can help give you great insight into your own weaknesses and strengths so you can make the best of both. This can be especially helpful in times of transition (education, career, relationships, moving to a new place, marriage, divorce, etc.).
2. Counselors are trained to help you process difficult life experiences, meaning that it's our job to help you find some peace with or meaning in the potentially traumatic experiences in your life. In reality, we all have difficult, painful experiences (some more than others). If we're not finding some kind of peace with them, they don't go away, they are just swept under the rug with everything else; and after a while, it's easy to trip over the rug.
3. We all form bad habits in how we relate to others and ourselves. This could come in many forms, such as negative, unrealistic messages (like telling yourself that you are always a failure or you just can't do anything right...), or just focusing on your own wants to see your loved ones' needs.
4. Often, mental health symptoms may be rooted in physical health problems, but if you are not discussing them with mental health/health professionals, you may be missing something!
5. It's okay to ask for help. If you are not feeling well physically, it's okay to ask a doctor for help. If you are not feeling well spiritually, it's okay to ask a pastor/spiritual leader for help. If you are not feeling well over-all, it's okay to ask a counselor for help!
If you're not ignoring your physical needs, don't ignore your spiritual or mental/emotional needs either!!
If you are having difficulty finding resources, check your local yellow pages or go to www.medovin.com to find a counselor licensed in your state for distance/online counseling (this form of counseling is not for emergencies or those under 18 years of age, who would need to find a local mental health provider instead).
If you are seeking mental health services in Kentucky via online video-based chat (and you are not among my family and friends because that would be a conflict of interest), visit my counseling page at http://counseling.aftertherainn.com.
As a mental health counselor, I believe that everyone can benefit from mental health services. Consider it finding a life-consultant!
Wishing you peace, health, and healing!
Keri
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
ACTION
2011 started off with the heavy weight and confirmation of Carys' diagnosis. The year passed in a dream-like fog.
2012 started off with some remaining fog while I was trying to pull myself together to start moving forward.
Since that time, there has definitely been some progress. In 2012, we started a non-profit corporation in Carys' memory and it is starting to move forward (though we are waiting for tax exempt status still). I returned to a more flexible work schedule. I finished my first book (available at Amazon). We've watched Paxton grow into a joyful, smart, (very, very... very) active toddler. Carys' grave has a monument. Good things have happened as time moves on and we continue to miss our baby girl. There have also been areas where we have continued to feel... stuck.
While we're making progress, some of the things we want to see happen the most are just not happening very quickly.
I was reminded today of the site, www.myoneword.com. The concept is to pick one word to be your focus and theme for the year to come. We chose a word tonight.
Our word, to combat feelings of ... stuck-ness (haha) ... is ACTION.
God is always in action. We are in action. We are moving forward.
Even when we feel stuck, there is action. I know this because God is always working. He always has a plan. His timing is ALWAYS right, even when we can't see the big picture and think we must just not be moving.
So, as we begin 2013, I am choosing to not focus on feeling stuck. That will get me nowhere. Instead, I'm focusing on taking action where God directs, and actively waiting on His timing (continuing to do what I know He has called me to do while I wait for the bigger pieces to fall into place).
2012 started off with some remaining fog while I was trying to pull myself together to start moving forward.
Since that time, there has definitely been some progress. In 2012, we started a non-profit corporation in Carys' memory and it is starting to move forward (though we are waiting for tax exempt status still). I returned to a more flexible work schedule. I finished my first book (available at Amazon). We've watched Paxton grow into a joyful, smart, (very, very... very) active toddler. Carys' grave has a monument. Good things have happened as time moves on and we continue to miss our baby girl. There have also been areas where we have continued to feel... stuck.
While we're making progress, some of the things we want to see happen the most are just not happening very quickly.
I was reminded today of the site, www.myoneword.com. The concept is to pick one word to be your focus and theme for the year to come. We chose a word tonight.
Our word, to combat feelings of ... stuck-ness (haha) ... is ACTION.
God is always in action. We are in action. We are moving forward.
Even when we feel stuck, there is action. I know this because God is always working. He always has a plan. His timing is ALWAYS right, even when we can't see the big picture and think we must just not be moving.
So, as we begin 2013, I am choosing to not focus on feeling stuck. That will get me nowhere. Instead, I'm focusing on taking action where God directs, and actively waiting on His timing (continuing to do what I know He has called me to do while I wait for the bigger pieces to fall into place).
Philippians 4:8
New International Version (NIV)
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
God is in ACTION.
Happy New Year!
God is in ACTION.
Happy New Year!
Monday, December 24, 2012
MERRY CHRISTMAS! A Gift for YOU!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
For those of you who have not yet signed up for the newsletter, please do!
Those who have already know that for today (December 25th) only, You can find my book, Love Isn't Selfish, as a free download for Kindle at www.amazon.com.
Merry Christmas! I hope you enjoy!
Merry Christmas! I hope you enjoy!
The book is available in paperback and Kindle versions at this time.
Book Description
Because scripture tells us clearly that God is Love (1 John 4:8), we know that God, by very nature, is relational. Love is an action, emotion, state, and characteristic that requires interaction with another being. Love does not exist alone. Scripture also tells us that we have been created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). We were created to love Him in return, though loving Him will never be forced upon us because love isn't selfish.
It is this line of thinking that leads me to the belief that the meaning of life is to learn how to love, and then teach others. Considering that our Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20) is to go throughout the world and teach others about our Heavenly Father's commands (such as love God and love others; Matthew 22:37-39), we must learn first what Love is- who He is.
Every relationship we form gives us the opportunity to learn a bit more about His character in order to have a better understanding of who He really is. Marriage, family, friends, neighbors, and even enemies can teach us much about who God is and who God isn’t. This book examines multiple relationships we experience and what valuable information we can gather from those relationships about the character of Love, which is to say, the character of God. It’s about learning to be unselfish in a selfish world.
It is this line of thinking that leads me to the belief that the meaning of life is to learn how to love, and then teach others. Considering that our Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20) is to go throughout the world and teach others about our Heavenly Father's commands (such as love God and love others; Matthew 22:37-39), we must learn first what Love is- who He is.
Every relationship we form gives us the opportunity to learn a bit more about His character in order to have a better understanding of who He really is. Marriage, family, friends, neighbors, and even enemies can teach us much about who God is and who God isn’t. This book examines multiple relationships we experience and what valuable information we can gather from those relationships about the character of Love, which is to say, the character of God. It’s about learning to be unselfish in a selfish world.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Love Isn't Selfish
It's here!
I began years ago writing down my thoughts on God's love. Over time, it developed into a book. It's a project that has been picked up and put back down many times over the last couple of years, but it's available now!
For Kindle Version, click here.
For paperback version, click here. (Paperback version will also be available at www.amazon.com by next week.)
I hope you enjoy!!
Monday, December 17, 2012
It's Storming in December
This evening, we had a thunderstorm. One week before Christmas. It seemed strange to have a thunderstorm in December, but it seemed fitting. It was this week two years ago that I spent a lot of time crying, praying... sobbing in my bathroom floor until I was sick.
I held out hope after the initial diagnosis on December 15, 2010, that maybe it wasn't true. Maybe my baby girl's skull really had formed properly. "It might just not be a clear scan," I'd been told. Even though my heart knew, I tried to cling to that ounce of hope while telling God I was going to trust Him either way.
It was on December 21st that the specialist confirmed that Carys had anencephaly. I knew before he said it. I could see it so clearly on the big screen in front of me, but I still hoped. Even thinking about that moment is still a bit suffocating.
This week, two years ago, was when my storm began. Though I will always bear the scars from my experience, my storm has subsided.
The storm in Connecticut has only just begun. My heart breaks as my mind turns to imagine the intense pain that is being experienced there. My eyes fill with tears when I think of the exhaustion I know is bound to be their existence as they push forward in their new normal. I know they didn't ask for a new normal. None of us did, right? I know I didn't ask to be a Maranomi. Even so, there is a beauty in it. I know I was blessed to be her mom, even if it was for a brief period of time.
I know it's hard to spend a lot of time in thought and prayer for the families and loved ones of all of the victims. It's hard to put yourself in the position to have your heart continue to break. After all, you can change the channel, right? They can't.
As we weathered our storm, the world kept moving around us. Of course, I didn't expect it to stop when ours did. It was our storm, not everyone else's. I was even told that my blog was too sad to continue reading. I get it though... it hurts. And we can't break down every time we know someone else is going through a storm. I know it's their storm to weather, but we can certainly pray. I craved knowing people were praying through our storm. It was what I wanted to hear the most.
Heavenly Father,
My heart is heavy for the loved ones of the victims of Sandy Hook Elementary. I know they are hurting tremendously. I know their storm has just begun and the debris hasn't even had time to settle yet. I hurt for them, Lord. I long for Heaven, where these things don't happen.
I ask that you would wrap your loving arms around them and give them a touch of the peace of Heaven. I know how that kind of peace feels and pray that you would share it with them as well.
I trust you. I know you have plans for them that you made out of your great love for all of us. I don't have to understand the details, but I trust you. Please comfort them as You work. Please help them to feel your love.
In your loving name,
Amen.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
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