Tuesday, September 11, 2012

We Remember

So, it's just after midnight, but I didn't want to go to bed without responding to the anniversary of 9/11. Throughout the day, I've seen so many posts about where we all were when the tragic news aired. It's hard to believe it's already been 11 years.

I was in my apartment at MVNU. I'd been up late the night before and slept in because I didn't have class (because that's what my college-self could do). My roommate came in, wide-eyed, and asked if I'd seen the news. I ran to the stairs as my apartment-mates gathered around the little television we had.

It seemed unreal.

It was a scary day, but not just because of the terrorism. It was also the day my mom had an emergency, life-saving surgery. I'll have to ask her to share her story for you all here, she has quite the testimony!

It has touched my heart today to see the frequent status updates that gave the simple message, "We remember."

We remember the terror we felt. We remember the shock that our nation was being attacked. We remember  the endless news coverage detailing the horror of the day. We remember the heroes. We remember the stories of emergency workers and civilians alike who put their lives on the line to rescue others. We remember the soldiers who left the comforts of home to defend our country in war. We remember and we're truly grateful.

John 15:13King James Version (KJV)13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

We remember.

We remember the somber aftermath as the dust settled. The realization of the heavy significance of the whole ordeal. The emphasis on the fragility of life.

We do remember, don't we? I remember the fullness of churches the following Sundays. I remember the signs asking for prayers for our nation. I remember that our nation seemed to be drawn to our Heavenly Father during the crisis.

Do we really remember? Do we remember that innate desire to cling to God in the middle of the storm?

Please, remember.

God is not only God in the midst of a crisis. He didn't go anywhere. Did you?

Monday, September 10, 2012

Grieving Parents

I have been so very thankful to be surrounded by supportive, understanding people as I have made my way along my grief journey.

Unfortunately, many grieving parents have not experienced the same. I'd like to start finding ways to share the message that pregnancy and infant loss is a loss like any other- and it's "okay" to grieve. In fact, it's unhealthy to avoid grieving.

By all means.... please share.


Saturday, September 8, 2012


In an undergrad art class, I did a charcoal drawing of a model. I enjoyed the process of the assignment. We had a very brief time to do a contour drawing of the model. We were told to rub it out. Another pose, another contour drawing. Rub it out. Repeat. Eventually, we had a very smudged, dark page with outlines of our model in different poses. For the final pose, we "drew" with our eraser to create the image.

I really liked how it turned out. I connected with it. He looked weary, and I've struggled with chronic fatigue for years.

It made it into one of the art shows at the college. Years later, it found its way into a frame in my bedroom. I thought it seemed fitting to hang it in the room where I should be able to find rest.

Through the journey following Carys' diagnosis, I've looked at the image differently. There is a weariness that goes beyond the tired of the end of the day, or even the physical fatigue I've dealt with for years. There's the sheer exhaustion of losing a child. It's the weariness that comes along with being a Maranomi. It affects every area of life and makes the peace and rest of Heaven all the more appealing. 

Though I'm regaining much of my strength, my weariness is like a shadow that seems to follow me. I think it will as long as I live here. Some day, though, my strength will be renewed. Because God always has a plan.


Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.